Just Because You Don't Understand Something — Or Don't Like It — Doesn't Mean It's Wrong

Most of us like to think we are willing to consider new ideas. Yet all of us have moments when we hear something unfamiliar and react before we have really considered it. If an idea does not fit our current understanding, or simply does not sit well with us, we may assume it cannot be true or cannot apply to us.

Unfamiliarity, on its own, tells us very little. It tells us something is new to us, not whether it is accurate or worth dismissing.

Everyone we encounter knows something we do not. They have lived experiences, relationships, and information we have not. The more useful question is whether we are willing to understand a perspective before deciding what we think about it, rather than whether it already matches our own.

Every relationship is shaped by three realities: the relationship itself, the systems surrounding it, and the information moving between people. We rarely disagree because we possess exactly the same information. More often, we disagree because we have lived different experiences, learned different things, and interpreted those experiences through different relationships and systems.

Psychological Flexibility

Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) offers a useful concept here: psychological flexibility, the capacity to notice our thoughts, emotions, and bodily sensations without letting them automatically determine how we respond. That small pause gives us options. We can respond with curiosity instead of dismissal, questions instead of assumptions, and a willingness to acknowledge what we do not yet know instead of insisting we already have the answer.

Psychological rigidity tells us that anything outside our current understanding must be wrong. Psychological flexibility offers a different possibility: there may simply be information we have not encountered yet.

Trauma-Informed Principles

Trauma-informed principles are often associated with counseling, but they describe something broader: a way of relating to other human beings. They invite us to recognize that every person develops within relationships and systems that shape how they understand themselves, other people, and the world around them.

Understanding another person begins by recognizing that their experience is real, even when it differs from our own. This creates conditions where emotional, psychological, and physical safety are more likely to develop, because people believe they will be understood before they are evaluated.

Responding with openness instead of certainty strengthens more than understanding. It builds trustworthiness, creates room for collaboration instead of defensiveness, and gives people more freedom to express experiences that differ from our own. Healthy relationships rarely form by convincing people they are wrong. They grow when people feel safe enough to explore together what might be true.

The same principle applies internally. We often judge our own anxiety, anger, or overwhelm instead of pausing to ask what those experiences might mean and how we want to respond to them. That pause creates opportunities to respond in ways that better reflect what is most important to us.

Values and Relationships

Values also shape how we receive new information. When curiosity, respect, learning, compassion, or integrity become lived values rather than abstract ideals, they influence how we respond when our beliefs are challenged. Our values determine whether disagreement becomes an opportunity for growth or simply a reason to disconnect.

How we receive new information says as much about our relationships as the information itself.

At Work

Organizations learn the same way people do. Teams become more effective when they can exchange information without immediately rejecting it because it feels unfamiliar. The healthiest workplaces are not defined by everyone agreeing, but by people who can respectfully challenge assumptions, contribute different perspectives, and learn from one another without fear of ridicule or retaliation.

Wellness forms in relationships, strengthens through systems, and thrives on information. Information becomes useful only when we are willing to receive it.

An Ongoing Practice

None of this requires agreeing with every perspective we encounter. Openness means being willing to understand before deciding — recognizing that another person's experience may expand our understanding even when it does not change our conclusions.

Every day we encounter information that has the potential to strengthen or weaken our relationships. We can reject it because it is unfamiliar, accept it without reflection, or pause long enough to remain open, ask another question, and decide thoughtfully. That pause, practiced consistently, is much of what psychological flexibility looks like in everyday life.

Just because we do not understand something today — or don't like it — does not mean it is wrong. It may simply be something we haven't learned yet.